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✖Title : just a ranting post, nobody is forcing you to read yeh
Hahaha i have been posting for quite a few times per day..
NTH TO DO HUH!
K, promise after this i'll start to be a good girl :)
Anw today is the last day of Memory filing System. definitely gonna miss it!
I have to admit that i really learnt a lot of useful things from Dr Xavier. although smt i dont understand what is his "slang".
Well, yes, smart ppl knows the purpose of this post.
Mixed feelings. For me, it's defined as many different liquors are mixing inside a container.
the heart-shaped container is your heart that's living right inside my heart.
and you had to carry it with you always.
You cannot seperate them, you could only slowly accept the fact that they are mixed, even fractional distillation cannot help you.
You know... that feeling? The only resort to end your this-kind-of-feeling is hoping to forget. No, you will remember no matter what, right?
&thanks everybody for the concern, i know smth when i type emotional stuffs like this, people will come asking me if im allright. im really ok. i merely wanted to rant on my blog, or maybe i'll delete all these once im feeling ok.
Dont need to guess, this has NOTHING gotta do with guys -.-
You know, some things that has been dragged on for so long arent clear yet.
Everyday when you're in school, you HAVE to pretend that nothing really happened.
Do you know how hard it is to so? It's like there's a stinky rubbish bin infront of you, you want to get outta that place, YET, there isnt aint escape/exit door for you.
So the only way is to PRETEND, pretend that rubbish bin is odourless/invisible.
I took about 200% of my patience to complete that task.
I had to put on a fake mask, faking to be brave (ya act hero) by saying "that rubbish bin doesnt affect my life at all", when these sentence contradicts my feelings.
People tear by rolling down their cheeks, I had to tear by swallowing my disapprovement.
I can only say that people who has gone thru this can understand what im feeling right now.
Well, im not implying that im the saddest-girl-in-the-world.
I aint pathetic. Therefore i dont need to gain sympathy.
RANT. you know whats rant?!
Till now then i began to realise something. Maybe im really born as an unlucky girl.
Ever since i first started my education path in Sg, which is Kindergarden, my friendship has NEVER been smooth. (yes this is the time for confessions! + some childish thinkings~)
My definition of best-friend: Always sticking to her ALONE, can share problems without hesitation, knows what is she feeling/thinking.
K1 & K2, I had a best friend called BaoHui. However, there's another girl who kept on sticking to her as well. As a result, my bonds with her faded away tremendously. Yes, im still a kid, so I went off to find other friends. HAHAHA. Yet, I just couldnt find someone that gives me the "same feeling" as Baohui.
P1 & P2. During the 1st day of school, I sat beside Meishan. Slowly, we become best of best friends. Furthermore, both of our mothers know each other very well. However, a girl named Cindy Too cut our friendship ties and never fails to stick with meishan. I was devastated. During that time, i loathed Cindy A LOT. In school, Cindy would keep on psychoing meishan not to friend with me (hahaha childish). I got hurt, and kept on crying at home. When 3 of our mothers are tgt with us, Cindy would chat with me along with Meishan. Its super different from how they treated me in school. I got super puzzled, and i went back home to tell my mother. (I WAS SO STUPID as i didnt know there's a word called hypocrities) In the end, my mum told meishan's mum and she told cindy's mum. I think she scolded Cindy or smth, after that they really did talk to me even without their mum's existence. I still remember how elated I was to have my best of best friend to talk to me AGAIN. This didnt cross my mind at all. Yea, kids are naive.
P3 & P4, 4 schools merged into GESPS. I was once again alone in my newly assigned class, 309. However, I was glad that I managed to find a best friend quickly and she's called ChenTing. Both of us are as close as sisters, not until another girl came in. Her name was Yizhi. YA SAME PATTERN, she is the 3rd party and kept on dragging ChenTing away from me. That's the 1st time when i started to ponder about my life. Am i really not a good friend? Why do people always drag my BFF away, while nobody dragged me away from others? Why am i always losing a best friend? Anw, at that time, I know very well that Yizhi has been backstabbing me. She kept on telling ChenTing about my bad stuffs etc. I KNOW, yet I cannot do anything about it. It's up to ChenTing if she wants to believe. I always HOPED that she would trust me. In the end, Yes, ChenTing started to give me cold shoulder, and that's when I started to realise I am not trustworthy in ppl's eyes. Despite all this, thankfully I met a good friend named Shuping. All the girls in our class disliked her, there's even 1 girl who asked me if i can be her BFF, unless i dont friend Shuping. Do you know that this is the first time I felt being loved by friends?! (finally it's my turn to be dragged away..) BUT! Mandy aint bad, she still sticked with Shuping, because when Mandy is feeling down, Shuping was there for me.
P5 & P6, Yesyes, Gwendolyn's my next best friend, because shuping isnt in the same class as me. Everything went smooth for us, we had our own clique which consists of Joen, Puayli, Yisi, Peihui and ShirleyGoh! We had many inner jokes, our bonds were extremely strong, NONE of us were being left out etc. Not until 1 day.. We had an individual proj to hand in. Yisi copied one of my friends' work, and i told my teacher about it AKA PAOTOH! LOLLLLLLLL. Yes Im that kind of person, I felt that it's totally unfair to the rest of us as we had to crack our brains just to gain that point, whereas she merely copied and got that point. INJUSTICE!!! (haha) yeh, this is also the first time i got myself into hot soup. She detested me a lot for saying, and asked the rest of them not to befriend me. I was ALWAYS alone. walking passed them has been a routine, yet the "fear" i had had never change. I was dragging Gwen to accompany me, but the rest of them pulled her away. So i can see that Gwen was in a very difficult position. In the end, Peihui and Puayli had prob with Yisi, so Yisi was "kicked" outta the clique. Happy thing for me, because they asked me to join them again. :) Yeah, elated! After that, Joen started to stick with Gwendolyn even closer. Yesssss, AGAIN! Gwen was in-charge to lock the classroom door after school. Joen and I would always wait + accompany her to do so. One fine day, Joen just asked Gwen to push the keys to me and they ran off. hahahaha, i was crying like mad all the time, and i told my teacher Mrs Chew about it. AKA THEY PANGSEH ME. The next day, I knew I had awkward scenes if I saw them, however they passed me a 'sorry' letter regarding that matter before we talked. But still, my friendship with Gwen was unstable becos of another 3rd party..
For Secondary schools, i do not wish to say. Maybe few years down the road (provided that my blog is still alive) i'll post about it! Because now im still a sec student, dont wish people to know about my current stuffs.
(yes, smart ppl aga aga knows who issit)
P.S. ALL THE THINGS STATED ABOVE ARE IN THE PAST!!!! It's all over, don't change your impression of them if you know them.. We are all matured now! ^^
Now you know my past friendship "problems". (: So to be honest, I wont be shock if my currently best friend is "being snatched" away. I'll take it as im really an unlucky person who will never have a lifelong best friend. :) Or afterall, im still someone who aint worth to be ppl's BFF.
AAAAhhh must stop writing alr. all these are purely childish thingys.
WOOOOOOOOOOO END OF RANTING POST! So long manz.
Reported @ 7:10 PM